


Strength

by starbitz



Series: mental health awareness week [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Depression, M/M, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-27 22:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20956130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbitz/pseuds/starbitz
Summary: “You know, seeking help doesn’t make you weak. By the time you want it, you’re strong enough to admit that you need it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”





	Strength

Jisung was unbearably tired. No matter how much sleep he got and no matter how often he slept, he would wake up dead tired. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept straight through the night without waking up. He also couldn’t even remember when all of his days started to blur together, either. Going through the motions was all that he felt he was capable of at this point. Nothing felt right. He was tired of being tired. All he wanted was something to change.

He had gotten a lot worse over the past couple of months, on top of trying to balance graduate school and his internship with healthy habits and his social life. Most of his peers had noticed the shift. Some days, he came really late to class because he couldn’t get out of bed and completely missed the first bus from his apartment to campus. When he showed up to his internship after classes 4 days a week, his coworkers noticed his fatigue in his posture and in the interactions he had with them.

His boss had actually approached him about it, asking him if everything was alright while also trying not to pry too much. Jisung just threw a smile on his face and assured him that he just hadn’t slept much in the past couple of days because of school, which wasn’t exactly a lie. He wasn’t sure if his boss had believed him, but it got him off his back for a while. 

His roommate, Changbin, oh, Jisung felt so bad for him sometimes. A lot of the mornings that he had class, Changbin would come into his room to make sure that he was awake. Sometimes he would even bring him coffee. Jisung really didn’t think he deserved him. He lucked out when he found out that Changbin was looking for someone to split the rent for an apartment with.

Jisung knew that Changbin was aware that something was up. It was evident in the way he was doing the bare minimum to take care of himself on top of the fact that it had been like that for  _ weeks _ . Jisung didn’t explicitly tell Changbin what was wrong until he came home from his internship once and sat next to him on the couch while he was watching TV. He just blurted: 

“There’s something really wrong with me.”

Changbin grabbed the remote and turned off the TV before turning to face him. “What do you mean by that, Jisung?”

“Do I really look as tired as people say I do?” Jisung asked. “Everyone in my classes and everyone I intern with keeps asking me if I'm okay and I have to lie to them every time.” 

“What are you lying to them about?”

“That I'm just tired,” Jisung said. “But it’s really because it literally takes all my energy most mornings to just get out of bed.”

Changbin sensed that Jisung wasn’t finished speaking, so he stayed quiet. 

“I’m tired of feeling this way,” Jisung said, running a hand through his hair. “I’m tired of it being noticeable that I’m...struggling.”

“Are you wanting to, like, start seeing a therapist?” Changbin asked. 

He had thought on multiple occasions about seeing a therapist. After doing a little bit of research a few days ago, he found that, for most people, it really helped them and they recommended that you gave it a chance, but he was still a little reluctant. He felt like seeing a therapist would make him seem weak; as if he wasn’t strong enough to sort his thoughts out on his own. He didn’t want to go just to hear things that he already knew. He was also a bit weirded out at the thought of telling a complete stranger things that he always kept to himself. He still hadn’t decided if that was what he wanted.

“Maybe?” Jisung said. “I don’t know.” 

“Why don’t you know?”

“I just don’t really want to tell someone I don’t know everything that’s wrong with me.”

“You won’t have to tell them everything right away,” Changbin added. “They’ll want you to take all the time you need.”

Jisung fell silent as he thought over his words. 

“The path towards recovery isn’t an easy one,” Changbin continued. “You won’t know how long it will take and you’ll definitely hit some bumps in the road along the way.” 

“I’m just tired of feeling like this all the time, you know? But if I get help, I’ll feel like I’ve failed. Like it would prove that I wasn’t strong enough to get through it by myself,” Jisung said back, avoiding looking him in the eye. 

“You know, seeking help doesn’t make you weak. By the time you want it, you’re strong enough to admit that you need it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Changbin said. “You also never know whether or not you’ll benefit from it unless you try.”

So on the fifth day in a row that he was already awake and staring at the ceiling before his alarm went off, he decided that he would give it a try. He would have to do some research to find a good therapist that he could take the bus to since he still didn’t have a car. 

Changbin helped him search for therapists fairly close to them. It didn't take too long to find someone that he could afford and that was accepting new patients. 

His therapist seemed like she was relatively young from when he was on the phone with her to schedule an appointment. She also had a very calming and non-threatening aura when he stepped into her office. She was fairly easy to talk to and he was able to deduce that just from talking to her over the phone.

The first appointment was more or less what he expected. Risk assessment. Had he been hurting himself or had he ever? Had he ever thought of suicide or attempted? What brought him to schedule an appointment? What had been bothering him? Basic stuff.

He scheduled another appointment for the same day the following week. The week went by slow, as usual, and he honestly didn’t remember much of it, which was probably something worth mentioning at his appointment. Changbin offered to go with him and sit in the lobby, but Jisung told him he should be okay by himself.

So as he was seated across from her again, he suddenly felt very small. He almost felt exposed, though he hadn’t said anything yet. She asked him how the past week had been. He told her it had been slow, that he was really just going through the motions, as he had been for the past couple weeks. 

She asked him if he had been sleeping okay. He shook his head and started talking about how he usually always woke up a few times in the middle of the night. He also mentioned that he had a lot of trouble getting up and falling asleep. She then asked him if he had an appetite. He told her not really.

Over the next few sessions, Jisung started to open up a bit more to her. The more he talked, the more help she was able to provide. 

Throughout the next couple of weeks, Changbin noticed subtle changes in Jisung.

“How have you been feeling, Jisung?” he asked while they were out eating dinner. 

“I’m getting there,” Jisung said, looking down at his food. “She’s told me a lot of things to look out for in myself that I’m more aware of now.”

“I’m glad,” Changbin smiled. “You already seem like you’re feeling a bit better. I can tell.”

“Really?” Jisung asked. 

“Yeah. It’s kind of your light is coming back,” Changbin said, trying to find the right words. “I hope that made sense.”

“It does. Don’t worry,” Jisung smiled. “Thank you for being there for me.”

“Anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! day 4! don't be afraid to ask for help. talk to someone that you trust to avoid keeping things bottled up because keeping things in will eventually work against you. as always, i'm here for you if you ever need to contact me. my twitter is [@NEOZ127](https://twitter.com/NEOZ127)!  
i hope your week is going well so far and that the rest of your week goes great too!


End file.
